I thought I would make the title interesting, as listicles are quite a trend these days. No post gets attention, unless it has been numbered (more random the number, more popular)
Anyway, I am in the season (s01e10) of passively groom searching with my parents through bharatmatrimony and this is to subtly tell my parents why it is not working out. so here is a letter to all the prospective grooms who have connected to me through bharatmatrimony (bm- thats the suffix i save their contacts with).
Dear Prospective Grooms,
I don’t want to sound arrogant, but here is a quick guideline into ‘making it work’ at least into a conversation with me:
Use your resources properly- You have been given my email id and my whatsapp contact number. Use them wisely. If you choose to connect to me over mail, realise that mail is not a live experience and also that it doesn’t have a word limit. So instead of just saying, hi we should catch up, it would catch my attention more if you could give a brief about yourself (and not your matrimony brief). If you choose to connect with me on whatsapp, since live-chat option is available, wait for me to respond before getting into story telling mode of who you are. In any circumstances, don’t call me before making me comfortable with a friendly chat first.
Be long-term, not short term- I don’t like to discuss day-to-day events or my weekend plans, because trust me my life is boring and I wouldn’t have a better response than “nothing much. Work” or for weekends probably an outing with friends. These questions lead nowhere. I would prefer you knowing me life-to-life rather than day-to-day. Only when you know particular traits about me, would I be able to open about my day-to-day quirks as well.
Don’t assume- specially at such an early stage. I wouldn’t appreciate you calling me a ‘hindikaari’ (hindi-wali) just because I have saved my dads contact as papaji on my phone.
Ask questions- better than making a statement of your assumption, you could say it better by asking ‘so are you this and this’. This would also enable be to open up and talk about me better as per my understading of myself.
Don’t be too regional with me- probably my weakness, but I am not too good at being a typical tamilian. So I get uncomfortable when you suddenly expect me to be one and carry conversations, that too over texts in tamil. I wont be able to do it. Yes, I can exchange a line or two once in a while in tamil but not more than that. I am genuinely sorry for my limitations. Having said so, I cant live without curd-rice.
Show interest in my hobbies- if I share a picture of something I might have made recently, don’t ignore it entirely or leave it with a customary “nice” comment. You can even fake interest by asking how and when I made it. That is it. Or better, mention you arent too much into such stuff, so unable to comment. Honesty is appreciated.
Don’t seem too rigid with your expectations- although it might suit to have a vegetarian partner, and yes I am a vegetarian but I wouldn’t want to that to be a criterion to marry me. Or the fact that I belong to the same community as yours. I don’t believe that it is best to marry in your same community as that’s the best match possible in terms of lifestyle. I will surely be a misfit then, even if I were typically tambrahm. Because I believe more in personality-connect irrespective of where you belong from- regional belonging it is not a case of iphone-android compatiblity for me.
Don’t talk to my parents to know me- you have to marry me not my parents. it only seems like a pressure building exercise. Connect with me, they have already shared my details with you. If I like you, then go ahead and chat with my parents as much as you want.
Don’t go over-board with big words/jargons/metaphors- we are trying to have a friendly discussion here to know each other, not impressing an interviewer during a gd session. Take it easy.
Extend conversations- if I ask you a question, give a detailed reply if possible and if you ask a question I am responding to, instead of just replying “nice” and “good” you can mention your opinion on it, some anecdote similar to it. Otherwise again the conversation ends prematurely and gives an impression that you lack interest in talking further. If that is the case, I get confused when you message again with a hi sometime later. I don’t know how to respond to it.
Take the hint- if we arent able to hit it off at all, lets not prolong the conversations and call it off already. Just act mature and tell your parents it didn’t work out. Don’t go back complaining to my parents that I don’t respond to your texts. It feels like I am back in primary school again. You harly had any of my interest, now you are scaring me from the entire institution of arranged marriage.
All the best. Because it is a task knowing and pleasing me.
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