The trouble of finding myself speechless

First of all, if you by chance stumbled into this site through google, looking for solutions to cure your stammering problem, I am sorry. I am no Baba Khede with miraculous tricks to help you with your stammering problem. I wish I was of any help, but sadly am not. I hope you get over your stammering soon. Thank you for visiting this site, you increased my readership number. You can continue your search.
Hmm… so other regular readers! Hii.. So here is something you all might already have noticed. But here you can find me accepting it. I have a problem, a BIG PROBLEM actually. Haven’t you noticed that I stammer a lot? I know, I know you are nodding. Well, actually it is not what this post is going to about, I didn’t know how exactly to start writing what I was to write. And the stammering thing, well, I am quite happy with it. My mom says those people who stammer are very lucky. And I can easily see it being true!
So to continue (read: begin) about what I was to write, I just wanted to tell that my stammer is not my real problem. The BIG problem I mentioned earlier. The problem is that I am very poor in updating my vocabulary. No, you have definitely got me wrong. It is that I don’t absorb the new words which gradually come out of nowhere and become very popular. I seem to be stuck with the initial set of words my parents or my sisters taught me. Confused na? Let me clear. It is like, for instance, I might use an outdated word to describe a certain thing and not the word everybody would use. Like, when a girl comes all dressed up or when you see a wonderful car, I would end up saying, WOW! You are looking nice! Or WOW! Lovely car!!! You see, plain words: ‘nice’ ‘lovely’. Other people would make it sound fantabulous by adding words like ‘hot’ or ‘sexy’.
And it is not just with such words which make me embarrassed. I don’t even feel comfortable in using phrases like ‘all that jazz’ and all of that. I don’t know why. You might even laugh if I tell you that I was even embarrassed with the ‘pappu cant dance saala’ song. I was like: “Chee, what a silly song!’
And other abuses? Well, sometimes when I get really very very angry, I sometimes try saying one of those “kutta-kameena” within and then feel so awkward using such words that finally end up feeling guilty. And hi-fi abuses! Well, it might amuse you, but whenever somebody uses such words I hardly mind. Why? Because somehow for me those words still haven’t registered in my mind. So those words would be like any heavy-accented language I don’t know. “Je ne mange pas viande” will sound same to me as those words. (yes, in spite of taking French that is the condition. How do they twist their tongues to much? This language sounds absurd. And people call it one of the most romantic languages?!?!!?HUH?!?!?!)
So far so good. But the problem comes when I get no proper words to describe a particular thing and end up stammering a lot before using an inappropriate word. And this is also the reason for my highly animated talks. I mean, whatever I miss with my words, I try covering it up with expressions and actions. Tell, is anything wrong in that? No na? Good! But yeah, people are quite familiar with MY set of words. Right? Why doesn’t everybody start using my vocabulary for Gayatri’s sake! Yeah. Afterall, being me, I should be given such preferences, isn’t it? Afterall, Gayatri is not everybody. For her, it is a big thing to herself only.