Is it just me?

Is it just me?!?!

Or do you also remember our endless talks for many sleepless nights,
And our conversations which used to end up in silly love fights.
Do you miss the times when we held each other’s hands?
Or the sunshine when we walked on rough sands.
Have you kept the poems I had written for you,
Or cherish the memories of our relationship which we thought was everlasting and true!
Do you remember the smile on my face whenever you were around?
And when I call out to you loud, do you hear faintest of the sound?
Do you miss me when you look at the twinkling stars in the sky?
Or sometimes desperately feel to give ‘us’ another try!
Do you ever look at the photos of us together and silently smile?
Or feel incomplete without having me in your life?
Do you lose track of time while blankly staring at the wall?
Or wait for long hours near the phone, expecting my call?
Do you ever listen to the songs you had dedicated to me under the mango tree?
And does this silence pain you as much as it pains me?
Do you ever miss playing with the locks of my hair?
Do you ever get lost in the crowd, hoping to find me somewhere?
Do you ever dream to see the sunset with me again?
Or long to curl up with me whenever it rains?
Do you ever wish to hold me tight on a windy weather?
Do you also pray every second for us to be together?

Or is it just me?

when haryana meets tamilnadu!

Well, everybody doubts whether I am mentally normal or not. Here is a proof that I am not!!! Today, vikarn and I had totally lost our minds somewhere. Here is the result of it... Our conversation!

vikarn: oi ladeeeej...whats is ups
GAYATRI...: hehehehe......... hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii vikarn!!!!
chinimini mummmmu muu....
bada shona bada pyara hai tu....
isliye aaj kehti hu i love u
kaha na love u ab u love me too...
vikarn: love u toooooooooooooooooooooo...threeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...fourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, fiveeeeeeeeee, aur countin na aave mujhe
GAYATRI...: uffff..pyar kiya kaise gavar se!!!
vikarn: to chori aur ke bolooon hum? hum tumse lub karte hain hehehe
GAYATRI...: mishtake ho gayee jee.......
hum aapko nahi jante....
aapka proposal hum nahi mante....
vikarn: nahiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn tum humre saath aisi sainsafi nahin kar sakat. hum tumhaari rapat likwaaaooonga
GAYATRI...: ayyyyyyooooo raaamaaaa....
yennadaaa rascal!!!! mind it!!
vikarn: haye, isi ada par to hm mar jaavat hoon...aur tum, dokheeebaaj, dil toda maaahara
GAYATRI...: ayooo tum kawun jee? hum nai jaaanta tumko..
tum humko tang nahi kar sakta ayise,,, samjha tum.....
vikarn: haye meri janwa..tum hi to ho meri gulaab jamunwa..kaise chodoon hum
GAYATRI...: humko dar lagta... kashtakalomein..... ayo rama... muruganaaaaaa.... tum nahi samjhta. humari shadi ho gayi.. hum kuch nahi kar sakta.... muthuswami pasand nahi karta tumko..
vikarn: hum apni bhaise ki kasam khaakar bolat hain, hum lub karte hain, kuchh bhe kar sakat hain, muthu ya jo bhi tum bolat ho, humko ok, jusht shay yesh
GAYATRI...: ayooo..... yas... yas.... i lowe you.... yell wo we yeee wala love !!!
vikarn: ke bolat ho humri jaan, ke angreji jhaadat ho? humko na samajh aaye ye bade logon ki bhaasa
GAYATRI...: wohhh mai goud!!
hum kehta ki hum pyar karta tumko....
vikarn: gooodz...gratz. haan baiby, hum bhi angreji bolat hain, samjha ke hai tumne. chalo letsh goz aur bhivaah karat hain
GAYATRI...: woh ke.... woh ke....

A page from Jennifer's diary!

I was heart-broken and shattered when I had failed to find love for me in the eyes of the one I loved. I felt insecure and exposed to the harsh world. I wanted to protect myself from getting hurt in love. I thought the best way for it would be to hibernate, to cover myself in a tough shell, a shell of protection around me which ensured that nobody could get close enough to hurt me.
But maybe pain is inevitable. The shell around me started diluting in Peter’s presence. Instead of being the tough girl I was, I started being delicate whenever he was around, for him to take care of me. I considered him to be special and magical to have been able to break my wall of insecurity.
I never knew or realised but in no time I had totally linked myself to him. He was the only reason for my happiness and his happiness was my only concern. And gradually he became my weakness. Maybe he realised it too. Unaware or aware of it, he started using this for his advantage, for his convenience.
Initially I had no problem with it. I just wanted to be with him. But as time went on, it became really hard for me to manage his mood shifts and work accordingly. I was losing my identity. I was not an individual anymore, everything I had was his. “I” was his! Completely.
The worst part of the situation was that he knew that I was nothing without him and I knew that I was nothing for him. It was a painful comprehension. He started becoming increasingly agitated at simple things and I constantly felt like a burden on him. It was as if I was pleading him to stay with me while he was merely doing me a favour by being there. What hurt the most was that whenever I tried voicing it out I was entirely blamed for all the spats in our relationship. I was accused guilty for all the quarrels and distances.
I constantly suffered for not being me, for always stopping myself to let out my feelings, for persistently trying to somehow work out the relationship and for continually failing to do so.
Maybe I had overdone it when he was not prepared for it. Or maybe it was the other way round.
Whatever the case was, we had failed to reach out to each other as we had expected and had left a gap in between us which was almost impossible to fill in. We were falling apart. Both of us were helpless. We had to separate our ways. It was really painful. By that time he had become a part of me without whom I was incomplete. I was difficult for me to tear myself away from him.
I lost count of the days after that when I hibernated myself before I could move on. I could not stop tears from rolling out of my eyes. My own tears felt like burning flames on my cheeks and like bullets when the dropped off from the bottom of my chin after clinging there for a long time. As each day passed, I felt completely drained out with no hope to get my life going. That was an abrupt unexpected pause in my life and everything around me seemed static.
I was wounded when I first fell in love but Peter had given me hope that it would not happen again. Peter had healed me from my first wound only to be again scathed, ripped apart, leaving me more miserable than before. When I had somehow adjusted myself to the loneliness, he came into my life to show me the wonders of love, giving me a reason to live and then suddenly shattered all my dreams to bitter truth.
I still am grateful to Peter for lifting me up when I had fallen from great expectations of my first love but he always made me realise the fact that he was the reason for my happiness. He took credit for all my happiness. I was sensitive to his regular reminders that I was incomplete without him.
But all that is past. I have come over all of it now. There is again warmth inside my heart. I have learnt to live life now. I have removed all the barriers, all the walls around me which had previously restricted me to trust people and connect to them. Now I make sure that there is never only one person I am attached to, only one reason for my happiness. I have learnt to occupy myself with more than one person so that there is always support beneath me. Moreover I have learnt to support myself.
I have realised that I should not lean entirely on a single being making it difficult for him to bear the weight.
More importantly I have forgiven Peter for whatever happened in the past, because it was partly his fault and partly mine. So we should share the blame too.

what is new?!?!

Ahh… so long since i posted anything…. I had sooooo many things to write about but I guess I was too busy or maybe lazy.
Well….. hmmm…. I am actually confused what to write about, so many thoughts running in my mind… actually making a mess out there!
Ok… today I will be writing more than a post… so here is a quick review of what all I will be writing today ( and that will help me in getting a better view and deciding what to write first!)
Ahh… I want to write a small little silly poem…. Then, a post about what all has changed because of me coming to Germany and then there is also a story I wrote long ago, still waiting to be posted. Other than that I want to write about the frustration I had gone through some time ago and also about one irritating thing which I think I will be careful enough not to mention on my blog but mail it to my family! Hmm…
Hehehe… so maybe I will start off with the easiest thing and that is the poem! Ahh… well… please don’t bang your heads after reading this one!

“There is a guy, I like him a lot!
Maybe he loves me too, maybe he does not!
Or maybe in his mind he has the same thought,
Maybe she loves me maybe she does not!

Hehehehe……


More such poems are still there to be uploaded…. Some other time maybe, I don’t want to torture my readers away!
Ok… so now comes the list of things which for me have changed (maybe because of my trip to Deutschland). It also includes the things I have learnt here.

Hmm…
• First of all, I got an international experience in every way. Got to know so much not only about Germany, but also (thanks to intercultural management classes) about Mexico, France, Poland, china, Tibet, Indonesia and many other countries.
• Ahh….. Germany Germany Germany…. I know every single thing about it. The history, geography (including the 16states) and also politics. Nowadays I am also reading a book or paperwork on Deutschland (which is not a part of my course) for my own curiosity and also to be able to answer the brainstorming questions from the geniuses of my family about the country. I know my family is surely expecting me to come back home knowing the country A-Z… don’t worry I will be prepared. Ask me anything and you will be the one who will suffer!!!! Muaahhhaaaaaahaaahaaahaaaa!!!
• And people, I know a new language…. Not completely but still atleast I can understand if not talk myself! And I am proud to tell you all that I have quite a decent vocabulary!!!
• Hmm…. Now I know all the rules of fussball, football for all fools who don’t know deutsch!!! Hehehe
• Also got to visit the country side which was extremely interesting!
• Ahh…. The next two points are really interesting! PAY ATTENTION! I can now identify the flags of germany, Poland, italy, mexico, china, france!!! Well that is a big achievement for me, considering that I am extremely poor at GK!
• Hmm… the best part! Ahh… now my crush list goes international with me having a crush on a Mexican, an Egyptian and also a polish!!! Hehehe
• And well, I have gone in several barbeque parties by now!!! Enjoyed partly because all I had to eat was bread and salat… occasionally sheep-cheese and last time I had potatoes which had no flavour to it.
• Hmm… I won 70eu in a COOKING COMPETITION!!! Beat that!
• I got to see soooo many places!!! My photo album is now amazing and worth people’s envy! Hmm… I have become a pakka wala tourist now. Can stay without food for days, walk for miles, sleep at some dingy place and take as many photos as you can… and also READ A MAP!!!!
• I totally got the experience of living alone. Even in hostels everything was taken care of. Here you have to do it all by yourself…. Plus you have to buy all the stuff for kitchen and actually cook whenever you are hungry! The way we talk at home is totally like the way uncles and aunties would!! Sounds so funny!
• Hey how can I forget! I got a new lovely name here!! GYESLI!!! Ahh…. I love that name… adds to my list of nick-names!
• Ahh… and I got introduced to the best thing in the world!! CHOCO NUSSA!!!! Whoever invented that must have lived for more than 100years… hundert jahre alt!!
• Got as many treats as never before...!!! Bless pavam neeta ma’am!
• And yes…. I got myself adjusted to the deutsch keyboard!!! Guess I will have some problems after coming back! Things have certainly changed!
• I got the opportunity to finally buy something for my family! All my life it has always been them who got me things! Now is my chance to show how much they mean to me!!! Well, don’t expect a treasure in my bag…. It is the love you will have to manage with… nothing else, ok?!?!?
• Well, and finally the most important point. It made me connect with my family better. When I landed here, I was too excited that I mailed everybody mentioning the tiniest of detail. I never used to do that in India. And I was extremely happy with their positive response too. Guess, they also might have been equally surprised by that mail. And the mail-sessions still continue…. I now feel restless if I don’t update them about every single thing. And I also have realised how much I talk about them. I usually have no other topic to talk about. Earlier, my videshi sisters never had an idea about what was happening in my life so usually panicked about my life. Now that they know everything they are a huge support!!!
• And well, lets not forget, it gave me topic to write on, right?!?! Richtig?!?!?


Das ist alles!!!! No other point I can think of for now….. no tchus, because I still have two more posts to write (how can you forget what I had written in the beginning?!!?1 you are such a bad reader!!!!)