umm... the four letter word!!

Ahh… Long time since I updated my blog. I still haven’t thought what to write about and don’t have much time to mull over it! Still, because my blog has not been updated since long, here is a meaningless post!!
Ohhk.. So once again I will start blabbering about my favourite topic… ahh… LOVE. Guess I simply love LOVE. Anyways, there are some things about it which annoys me a lot. Well let me begin with the most commonly linked line about love.
“When you fall in love, there is no reason behind it. You can’t help it. You don’t know why you love that person!”
Ahem ahem!!! Well!!! That is way too dramatic and illogical to me. If you fall in love so helplessly then you should be in love with half the world! If there is no reason at all for being in love with someone, then that person is no more special than the rest of the world. There was nothing that made you shortlist him/her from others and make him/her truly the one for you. And anyways, there has to be a certain criteria to love someone. You cannot simply love any stranger that comes into your view as soon as you decide to love someone. That is like excess flow of unnecessary love.
In my opinion, a mind should and has to precede over so that your heart can truly love someone. If it happens the other way round that is first you love with your heart and then analyze the negative aspects, the relationship will not be perfect, will it?
For me, my search begins (no no no, I am not desperate to search for love) with a fixed mindset of what to look for and what to be watchful about. He has to fulfil all the requirements for being my special someone and let me clear, the list is not small or simple. It is very complicated. If he is not everything I wish for, then he is like the rest of the world and not someone special.
According to me everybody falls in love for a reason. Everyone falls in love with beauty. And beauty of any kind. Some love the physical beauty(looks, hair, eyes, smile- well smile can be just more than physical attraction), some for the beauty of mind( maturity, deep thoughts, ambitions), some for beauty of character( simplicity, optimism, determination…) and some for beauty of compatibility( the comfort level, friendship they share and similarity between them)

The very next quite linked with love is that "you can fall in love only once in your life. True love happens just once!"
Again, I am sorry but I disagree. First of all, why make love sound so complicated. It is just a feeling. And just like other feelings (you can be angry on more than one person for the same reason or other reasons, be concerned about more than one person, be sad about more than one reason) why not love more than one person. Don’t make love so difficult and inflexible with superfluous rules. I mean in this hugely populated world, obviously more than one person can fulfil your criteria of special someone. And there simply cant be only one for you out there. If that would have been the case, many would have failed to find them and truly recognise them. The world would have been filled with singles and definitely not this crowded as it is now. Human species would have long been extinct! There has to be a lot of compromises everywhere. If you fail to get the first person you liked/loved, you look for other and keep looking until you find mutual love towards each other. And believe me; it is not at all difficult. It is just how much resistance you put from inside to forget the previous love. It is just a matter of accepting truth and moving forward.
Next point. People usually are very scared of expressing their feelings to the person they love. And this line is quite famous that you should never be afraid of expressing love because they might reject you and you might lose them but there is still a possibility of them loving you. And if you don’t put across your feelings you are still losing them.
Well I agree to all of it but I can still understand the tension and all the fuss about not expressing. “Having none is still a little better than losing one.” You can still love the person without having to feel guilty about it if the rejection is not made public and is known only to you. That allows you to keep loving all your crushes, though not with the same compassion as it used to be earlier. For some, the feeling might fade away and for some it will be strong. But once you have faced rejection, you are somehow forced not to love that person anymore. That is the reason why I can happily discuss all my previous crushes so easily without any guilt factor to voice me down. I am as excited talking about my first crush as I am talking about my last crush. Hehehe… this was quite pointless, but anyways, everything in my blog is meaningless.
And now something that does not annoy me. This point is just for fun! People say love makes you blind!!! Hehehe… not necessarily. Well, on the contrary love makes you notice more things about the person you wouldn’t have noticed otherwise. Being interested in that person, you also get interested in knowing what he likes, what he dislikes, what he wears, how he smiles, his features and every single unnoticeable thing also. Then in which aspect does it blind you???? Hehehe!!!

the pain of warmth?!?!?!

Betty. Betty was a strong girl. Never did a tear roll from her eyes in the past seven years while she was tortured every second of her life. She had been captured by a group of refugees and had been used to fulfil their desires of you-know-what time and again. Yet she never quivered, never did she lose faith in God and always hoped to free herself. And then, without notice, she got a chance to escape. She was wise enough not to lose the opportunity. She freed herself from the chains of torment she was tied to, all these years. She escaped, escaped far away never to be caught again. At first she ran aimlessly without knowing where to go. It has been years since she had seen sunlight. It felt like thousands of needles poking her in spite of the pain she endured all these years. She had never felt this weak in all those seven years.
“You don’t look well. Is everything alright? Do you need help?” She was amazed to hear those words. She had never been talked to like this since ages. She had almost forgotten goodwill and compassion. She looked scared. The stranger was rather shocked by her silence and his curiosity grew. He was genuinely concerned for her and was sure she needed help. But he knew it was not the perfect time to ask her what had happened. That could be left for some other time. So being very careful, he slowly moved close to her and gave her his coat. She seemed to appreciate the effort. He knew he was gaining her trust, but Betty was still not prepared to trust someone this early. He gently asked her to come along with him to the nearby restaurant and have something to eat. With wavering steps Betty followed. They went inside silently, without uttering a single word. Betty seated herself at the edge of the sofa.
“I am Mark”, finally said the stranger after several minutes of silence. Betty did not respond. It looked as if she was unaware of Mark´s presence. Again silence conquered the space between them for the next half-an-hour. Mark didn’t mind the silence; he wanted to give her enough time and space to open up, while Betty stared blankly at her bare feet. Finally she glanced over to see Mark´s face. He looked handsome, with smooth face-cuts and a distinctive jaw-line almost making his face-angle two-dimensional. His gleaming eyes were presently filled with mixed emotions of curiosity, concern and confusion. He looked harmless. Suddenly, as if like lightning she got all her senses back. She was used to bear so much pain that it didn’t seem to pain her further after sometime. But today looking at the tenderness of a complete stranger she felt back her pain. She realised what she had been missing all this time. As if the warmth was too affectionate to take. It made her weak. It made her pity herself for what she had gone through. It was like spraying hot water suddenly on a thing which had been frozen for a long time. It was painful to become supple again after years of being hardened. The pain had hardened her heart, her soul. The warmth was softening the hard envelope but it was unbearable. She had forced herself to become numb but now she was gaining back her senses. And suddenly she sensed something warm in her cheeks. She didn’t realise what it was. She touched her cheeks with her fingers, and was amazed to see it humid. She was surprised to see the drop of tear which had been suppressed since countless time. She was becoming a woman again but this time she was prepared.

the cattle family!!!!!!!

Some cute snippets, which I realised today, were a little connected to each other. The first story is about me being called “gaay” because of my name being Gayatri. The oldest memory I can recall of me having this name would be when my mami would call me Gaay 1, gaay 2, gaay 3! Since then, I think everybody started calling me “gaay” and I never felt uncomfortable with the name. Even in my tuition my friends used to call me “gaay” and tease me about eating grass and hay. It was one of the most common pet names for me in my family too. Everybody used to call me gaay even in public places without realising how awkward that would make me. It was one such moment I am going to share now. Once I had gone to the market with my sister to buy vegetables during monsoons. As a rule, every Indian vehicle stops working properly at such times. So after buying the vegetables, we tried hard to start our TVS scooty, which was very stubborn to switch on. When we had lost all our hopes for it to get going, it finally gave in with a little cough. In all the excitement to see the scooty finally on, my sister hurried to the driver’s seat and thought I would do the same and sit as quickly as possible. Unfortunately I was not quick enough, and before I could climb into the bike, she speeded away thinking I was already comfortably seated behind her. So there I was, like a dumb little girl in middle of a crowded market, not knowing what to do. At that age, I never used to take money with me and it never stuck me that you can get the money from the house to pay the auto-wala when you reach home. So I thought of walking back home, which was far away. This is half the story. My sister for a long time was unaware that I was not sitting behind her while she was driving merrily. The reason she didn’t realise that I wasn’t there was maybe because lately I had stopped holding my sister tight while she drove, boasting off that I was big enough to balance myself without having to hold her. She even tried talking to me on the way (as we usually did, we also used to sing a lot) but thought I might have been angry on her for some reason, which I often used to be for silly reasons. Hmm… so it was quite late (she had almost reached home) when she realised that I was not with her. And she got very tensed. And here is why I narrated such a long story (you might be wondering how it is related to me being called gaay). As she frantically looked for me everywhere, she started calling my name loudly. And as smart people can guess, she didn’t call out gayatri but “gaay” in the crowded street. At first she felt weird by the glaring stares of the people only to realise much later that it was because to people it seemed she was looking for cows in the market and searching for cows just by calling them was outlandish. Embarrassed by the unwanted attention, she started calling gayatri instead of Gaay. The rest of the story is not worth mentioning. To brief it up, she finally found me and we happily went back home. So this is my story of being called “gaay”.
Interestingly, my elder sister, with no connection to me being called `gaay` is called “saandh”(bull). The whole story for the name can be read in my sister’s blog. In short, she once slept a lot in a train and as a result failed to get down at the desired station and reached the last station instead. And when she finally reached home, taking another train from there, she slept for another 10 hours or so, only to be baptized by my sister as saandh (because she sleeps like a saandh). Hmm… so there is another connected story I recalled today. Once it was she who was coming to drop me off to my bus stand early on a chilly day of Indian winters. To protect myself from the cold I had worn, in accordance to my school uniform, two maroon sweaters, a maroon scarf, maroon gloves and was carrying a red water-bottle. At the entrance of our colony gate, we saw a cow coming towards us. As soon as my sister saw the cow, she warned me that it might be a bull and bulls get attracted to RED COLOUR. And since I was wearing everything maroon, I should better be careful. It was exactly at that time that the cow shook its head aggressively and moved ahead, shaking its forelegs forcefully. My sister seeing this screamed with all her might for me to run as fast as possible. I obeyed instantly (maybe for the first time) and ran with all the power I could gather, throwing my sweater and scarf on the way and shouting ‘bachao, bachao` much to the interest of people around. All the “uncle’s and auntie’s” of our colony asked me with great concern whether I had seen a snake (spotting a snake in our colony which is full of trees is quite common). And my reply in all the nervousness was “nahi, nahi, SAAAAAAAAANDH!!!”. I went back home drenched in sweat (in extreme winters) and told my mom the story. My mom listened to it patiently and asked me to go back to the bus-stop. The “saandh” would have probably gone by now. With much reluctance I went back to my bus-stop, looking everywhere for the saandh and ready to make a run again. And yes, I also had to wear my sweaters and scarf back which I had thrown away in all the panic. The bus was made to stop there for me for almost 15minutes and when I got inside everybody was curios to know the story. Well, I was smart enough not to make a fool of myself and only selected few were lucky enough to get to hear the story from me.
P.S. by the way it turned out that it was not saandh at all but only a cow. It had stirred its head violently because there were many mosquitoes around and had moved its legs fiercely (as we had thought) because it was crossing a line of pipes at the entrance of the colony!

Lets not make a difference!!

Hmm… Man is surrounded by layers of differences!! Everybody is very different from others and there are many levels which define the difference. You may call it difference in cultures! A culture can be diversified into a number, man has not yet discovered. Reasons can be many. Some reasons are defined by a social community as small as a family or as big as a nation. And many are a result of how an individual reacts to a situation.
Let’s think about it. What possibly determines the cultural difference? Thinking in a broader aspect, I can think that sometimes a nation makes us what we are. The history of the nation, the rulers of the past, the heroes of that country, the religion, the food, the dialect, the way of dressing and the climate can be some of the million points. But even they differ from place to place. Not the whole country has exactly the same dialect, climate, heroes, religion and food everywhere. That means as I said earlier that there are several different layers, some overlap and some with a thin line of difference that constantly determine an individual. Even generation makes a lot of difference. People of different look at the same thing differently. There is also difference in the same person with change in time. He might react to a particular thing in a different way at some point of his life than the other times. Differences are an integral part of life.
It is just how you look at it. The narrower your vision, the more different people will seem to you and more you will be inflexible to adapt to the changes. Look at it from a broader vision, you will realize that all the differences are not as big as they seem and that every living being (not just human but animals too) have the same core nature and needs. All experience the same feelings, feeling of love, anger, depression, envy, happiness, excitement and importantly hunger!! (hehe) the difference is just the way people respond to it. So lets work upon narrowing the differencess to make a difference in the world!!!

NOTHINGNESS!!

GAYATRI'S LIFE OF NOTHINGNESS:
- I love doing NOTHING. Most of the times when somebody asks me what I am doing, my plain answer would simply be NOTHING. And it’s not as if I am showing attitude or anything. Am mostly doing nothing.
- I usually think NOTHING. Usually nothing is running in my mind and my mind is hardly preoccupied with anything at all. That is the reason why I like sleeping, walking on unknown roads, listening to music. Because it has nothing to do with thinking.
- I am attached to NOTHING. I miss NOTHING. No matter how far people are, no matter how long I haven’t talked to them, it hardly matters. I can hardly feel their absence or get emotional about them. I am so absorbed with other worldly excitements to miss anything or anybody.
- I dream of or aim of becoming NOTHING. I have very simple ideas about life and don’t have much of career thoughts in my mind. I will be happy being a lovely mom of two adorable kids. That is all.

THE MANTRA OF NOTHINGNESS:
Believe me, the best matra of life is nothingness. If nothing bothers you, you will have no reason to be sad at all. Let me explain my mantra in detail!!!

- First of all, depend upon NOTHING. Being dependent makes you weak. You should distant yourself enough to manage its absence. Because nothing lasts with you forever and you cannot afford to waste time crying for all the things you lose!
- Expect NOTHING. Expectations sometimes result in disappointments. So work heartily but don’t expect any result. If it was good enough you will surely get the result you deserve. And even if you don’t, you can never demand the result of your choice! If you can manage to alter the result, then work towards altering it beforehand rather than expecting it to be the way you want it. And if you can in no way alter the result, what is the point in expecting anything.
Even don’t expect any specific treatment from anybody. Everybody has a life of their own and why should you be expecting anything from them. Shut up!!
- Judge NOTHING. Seriously that is he biggest crime you can do. First of all you are nobody to judge other people unless you are appointed to do so. Let people have their own definitions of their limitations, enjoyment, good and bad. You define yours. But if at all somebody does not fit into your definition of goodness, he might not necessarily be bad. That is your view of him and you should keep your views to yourself if it is against anybody.
- Criticize or comment NOTHING. That can be the sub division of the previous point but let me discus it differently. When you don’t have the right to judge anybody, criticising them does not even come into the scene. Respect people’s individuality. It’s their individual space and you can never simply make them behave as you want them to. Rather than correcting others if you find them wrong, distance yourself from the wrong thing.
- Have fixed notions of NOTHING. Keep yourself as flexible as possible. Life changes continuously and the graph between the things you like/have or your friends with time is never a straight line. It’s a steady curve. Give yourself space and adjust yourself that you can easily fit other people in that space.
- Think of yourself as NOTHING. Through personal experience I can say that it is never good to look down at others. You can always think high of yourself but never look down at others. And that is very difficult because there is a very thin line (thinner than you can imagine) between the two. World is filled with extra talented people and everybody is in the crowd of talented people.
- I was about to stop when I realized that I had forgotten the most important point! Worry about NOTHING!!! Everything always has a good end. Loot at it like this. Life is like a road where on one side there are flowers, colours, rainbows, ice-creams, chocolates, all your friends and family, hope, love and happiness. On the other side there are no colours, fallen leaves, barren land, enemies, envy, sorrows and trouble. It’s not possible for us to possibly overlook the other side. We have to face the other side too. But we always have an option to look at the other side whenever we face the wrong side!!! Consciously make efforts from our side to turn our faces to the brighter side. And I know this is possible. All you need to do is stay practical!!!


Hmm... Too much of preaching na? Cant help it!!! I always like sharing my “clarity of mind” with others!!!! Anyways let me put an end to this!!!! Don’t worry, be happy!!! And please keep smiling!!!!